Busy Busy

Things have been very busy here lately, just with everyday stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Fortunately the breastfeeding issues have been solved, after a bit of hard work, a visit from the council Lactation Nurse, and lots of encouragement from lots of people, especially Matt. In the end Matty reminded me that Jessica was in great shape, that God was looking after us, and I just needed to get it out of my head that I was going to need to give her formula. I don't know why it was so, but the very thought of failing to breastfeed really messed me around. Matt would agree that I was just about ready to be hospitalised due to stress and exhaustion.

The whole episode was a positive one, however, for a number of reasons. Cheifly, it made me realise, once again, that I needed to rely completely on God. Over the weeks that I felt that I was in real trouble, I came to understand, again, that I can do nothing without God. What a great place to be once the clouds in my mind lifted and I realised that He was always looking after Jessica and, whatever happened, He held her in his hands.
The other positive to this, of course, is that it made me really analyse why breastfeeding is so important to me. Was it that I wanted to lose weight? Well, since really beefing up my diet (lots of carbohydrates, extra protein, and Sustagen), I had actually gained a kilo, and I wasn't worried, because all I wanted to do was to be able to feed my little girl. So, no. Was it pride? Possibly, to a degree - I really don't like failing at anything. But, overall, I came to realise that I genuinely believed that this was the best food for Jessica, and as difficult as it can be, I really wanted her to have the protection and nutrition that breastmilk provides. I then thought about the fact that God designed the whole process, and that if I handed the situation over to Him, either (a) I could breastfeed successfully, or (b) He would help me to cope emotionally with feeding Jessica formula. I realised that I therefore could relax, knowing that if I trusted Him, we would be ok. One way or another, I knew He wouldn't let Jessica starve which, deep down, was what I feared, ridiculous as it sounds. Within a couple of days of realising this, things really improved.

I'm still wiggling into some sort of a routine around here, although no two days seem to be alike. Jessica is sleeping really well, usually from 10.30pm to 4.30am, then feeding until 5.30 and sleeping until 8 or 9. I stay up until about 6.30am to express and then go back to bed; so most days I am managing about 7 - 8 hours' sleep! Some nights she does require an additional night feed (about 2am), but not often. She doesn't sleep much during the day, often only managing 3 short naps, but I guess this is all she needs right now. In any given 24 hours she has about 14 hours' sleep, so I think that is ok. She certainly seems healthy, so that is proof enough for me!

We're off to my Dad's this afternoon, to celebrate Glenn, Jen, and Grace's birthdays, which I am really looking forward to. I'm a bit miffed, though, as I ordered a DVD for Jen's birthday from Amazon.com, and despite being posted almost 3 weeks ago, it hasn't arrived yet! Should be a great afternoon. Deb, Ray and the kids are also coming up, which will be great, I haven't seen them since late January, when Jessica was only 3 or 4 weeks old. She is so much bigger now; I hope she gives them lots of her beautiful smiles!

Jessica actually laughed for the first time last night, and I missed it! I was out at Fountain Gate for a couple of hours, and Matt was looking after her. She was a bit upset and refused to sleep, so he picked her up to comfort her. A few attempts didn't work (once she is upset she really hangs onto it), so he put some music on ("Hella Good" by No Doubt) and danced with her, and sang! He said her expression suddenly changed from agro, to a bit stunned, and then she started laughing at him! How fantastic - can't wait to see her do that again. I think I may request an encore performance from Matt when he gets home from work today..... hee hee!!